What would it take for you to “by” this truck?

I confess I never purchased a Saturn vehicle but I sure liked that company’s no hassle price, especially after spending five and a half hours at a particular dealership.

The first rule of used car buying, I was told by a former used car salesman, is to go in knowing what amount the bank or credit union will lend you.  I had been through Edmunds and Kelly Blue Book so I hada ball-park idea in my head, but I did not head out on my car buying excursion with a note from the credit union in hand. I knew what was out of my price range.

I bit on a flyer for a small 4-door at $85/month. (My bad, of course there was only one at that price and it had already sold… although it did lead me to the dealer’s Website to check out a few cars; also already sold. Heaven forbid that someone update the site.)

Car dealerships, at least this one, do things a bit backwards these days: There is no sticker on the window giving cost and mileage and data because, we were told, “car prices change constantly”.

My fiancé and I were greeted by a finance guy rather than a salesman. “Do you have an appointment?” “No.” Since when do I need an appointment to buy retail? This is not a Rolls Royce or a diamond from Tiffany’s. He invited us inside to his desk then asked me what I had in mind.

“Low miles, well-maintained. Used.”

He inquired what I could afford in between telling us that he had been in finance for nine years, had been upside down in multiple houses in Detroit and lost them all and now he was traveling with this clearance event.

I am annoyed. “I don’t want to talk about finance until I see if there is anything I like.” Off we go to the lot.

At this point, please begin to keep in mind that I was not born with the shopping gene.

Of course, my eyes were drawn to the blue car. A Ford Focus. 2012. Ah well. No Ford 500 to be seen, a Sport Trac that is tricked-out and is beyond my price range, Chevy’s version of the PT Cruiser is cute, a Ford Ranger truck with low miles, but mostly 2011 or 2012 models. I look up a few on my iPhone app. I tell my fiancé that I am not seeing anything that floats my boat, this was a bust and we should leave.

The finance guy comes over and tells me that an ’11 or a ’12 looks better to a bank. But it is out of my price range. I tell him, “I know from researching online that I need to go ’07 to ’09, maybe ’10. Leave me to look and come back if you have something.”

We part ways.

I go back to look at the red Ranger. 18,700 miles and an ’06. I was not thinking truck, but wow the mileage is LOW. The sticker in the window reads “consignment” and it has wheelchair plates from Louisiana. Probably a single owner, came out here to have his/her family take care… this might be it.

Meanwhile, the finance guy is back driving by with what he says is an ’07 with low miles. I ask my fiancé to deal with him, please, while I run Kelly BB on the truck. Under $11 k without anything special. Turns out the car is a 2011.

Finance guy is not listening and wasted my love’s time. STRIKE ONE.

I want to know about the truck. (We figured out later that this was not one of the vehicles brought in for the liquidation sale, so finance guy probably was not keen on selling it.) We go inside and sit down. He goes off and returns with a price of nearly $20,000. Do car salespeople not realize we have technology in our hands now and they can’t BS us? I am irritated. It shows in my voice. If he had looked at my sleeves he’d have seen the beacons. “I understand you have to make some money but no way am I buying that truck until you come close to Kelly’s.”

He keeps talking. “What would it take for you to buy it?”

Borrowed image: http://www.blingcheese.com/

STRIKE TWO. You moron! “I just told you.”

He turns the finance paper over and begins to write, “I will by this—”

STRIKE THREE: By?!? You have been selling cars 9 years and you can’t spell buy?!

“I don’t need you to flip a piece of paper over and write I will buy this truck at such and such a price. We are done here.” He keeps talking. “We are done here.”

My fiancée and I walk out. The manager chases us down. Gets an earful. Convinces us to test drive the truck to lunch. We come back and it takes our new finance guy three and a half hours to “almost” do the deal. (When we walked in we were one of two customer, when we left we were one of four.) I say almost because at 4:10 I get an emergency call from a client and I need to be back at my computer an hour away to fix it.  Twenty minutes later, there is still no paperwork in sight so the dealership lets me take the truck home and the fiancé manager came to me the next day and I finished the paperwork.

I am happy: I have truck and my daughter gets my car to drive for college.

However, as I am leaving, Mr. Moron Finance comes over and asks me how much it would cost to write his life story as a movie script.

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There Was A Dragon on the Way Home from Vegas

I have made the trip from Pine to Vegas 4 times in the past 2 months. I am not complaining, because it is great to see my daughter, but for those of you who have taken the 40 and the 93 you know it is a long stretch, even singing along to music.

There are however, interesting things along the way:

I passed a red SUV with a fluffy grey cat peering out the passenger window with an I am not amused expression on his little smushed in face. Think of the cat that does the fancy feast commercials, only grey.

There was a field of some kind of purple flowers. Alfalfa maybe? That was April. It was fry for the May trips but there were cows across the road in a field. All white ones. In other fields along the way wer brown and black ones. There were golden brown horses running in the sun the latter trip in May.

Seligman is the half-way point and Delgadillo’s  Snow Cap is a favorite stop to order an ice cream and be harassed by the server behind the counter.

High point in April: watching Andi smash her cone in Robert’s face back in April. He’s a nice guy and now knows that letting Andi get ice cream on his nose earns him brownie points. Always a nice thing for a boyfriend to have in reserve.

Aren’t they cute?!

There’s a dragon eating a flower on 93 just before the turn for South Cove. Maybe it flew in for the summer because I had not noticed it on any previous trips the past few years. Too cute not to stop for a pic. This is the only one I could get without the store’s propane tank in the background.

One more planned trip to go in June! I am so proud of Andi and excited to watch her get her diploma from the Canyon Springs Leadership and Law Academy. If her journeys in life take her past dragons, I hope they will be ready to eat her cupcakes (she’s headed to Le Cordon Bleu).

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What if we added Zorb riding to the Olympics?

Zorbing down the hillside! zorb.com

It is time for the summer Olympic committee to get ahead of the curve and include Zorb riding as an Olympic event.

What is Zorb riding you might ask?

It one part roller coaster with g-forces and freefall at play and can be one part slip n’ slide.

Picture a plastic ball. Now upsize it.

Picture a plastic globe—with an interior plastic globe, one big enough for you to ride in.

This plastic globe of course has air holes.

It is also see though, a fact that matters little in that seeing where you are going is not paramount.

Where you are going is downhill.

Tumbling, faster and faster inside the globe on a track down a green hillside.

Those krazy New Zealand Kiwis invented Zorb riding 15 years ago. The sport now boasts 607,633 Zorbonauts. It has recently expanded to the U.S. market, the Smokey mountains to be precise, so the great state of Tennessee will now through their hat in the ring to host the great games.

Zorb riding can be a individual event, a team event or even a relay race.

As an individual event Zorb riding offers the chance to have fun as the participant accelerates on a downhill track. Tracks can be straight or zig zag. How fast the racer goes depends on their weight and how fast they can run in what some might liken to a hamster ball.

As a team event for three persons inside the ball, Zorb riding offers the chance for bonding. Can you run in unison? How does bouncing or sliding off one another in freefall effect your ultimate time? Can you stay on the track or will you bounce yourselves off course and onto the next hill or highway. Watch out for that tree, George!

As a “hydro” ride, the interior of the Zorb would have a few gallons of water added and, well, let’s just say we all know the value of personal hygiene—and who wouldn’t welcome the opportunity to tumble inside a giant washing machine?

As a relay race, Zorb riding might be likened to the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona—another event that should be included in the Olympics but the bulls couldn’t raise enough money to hire me as their publicist—imagine, a street filled with runners inside Zorb globes. A bang sets the Zorb runners free to race, bounding down the street, bouncing over cars, avoiding pedestrians, hot dog stands and bike messengers while they try to find the correct team mate to bump into at Beeline and Main. As they bounded around the lake at Green Valley park, they would have to avoid falling into the water and would lose points for rolling over ducks.

Yes Zorb riding would bounce Olympic entertainment to a new height.

I urge you to vote YES that Zorb riding be included in the summer Olympic games. Norwegians have curling. The Jamacians have bobsledding.  Foresight on the part of the Olympic committee would give the kiwis well-deserved renown for their improvement of fun on a global scale.

Can I get a Z? Can I get an O? Can I get an R? Can I get a B? ZORB! Want to learn more? Visit Zorb.com.

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5 Nom Noms Near Places I’ve Lived

Delicious "har gow" aka shrimp dumplings. Not to be confused with icky slippery noodles.

I suppose that list of 100 foods to eat before you die going around Facebook sparked this. Di the authors bet we’d merely tasted 20, or was that just a gimmick to get those who answered to say to themselves, ‘Oh yeah, I’ll prove you wrong.’ ? (Most people I know who have taken the survey have eaten 60+ things. It’s because we grew up with our mother’s telling us, ‘Taste one bite.’

Here is my list of restaurants with nom noms.

House of Louie – Yum! If you are near West Covina at lunch time and love Dim Sum, this is THE place. Dim Sum has been my favorite food since “Toddles” introduced me to it when I lived in So Cal. It was sooo much fun to go with him to Chinatown on Sunday for brunch.

Laura’s Small Café – If you are in Payson, I highly recommend the garden tamale for breakfast or lunch.

Gardens of Taxco – Melody gets all the credit for introducing me to this West Hollywood icon. I see that the menu is online, but when I ate there, there was not a menu to be had and the waiter would ask you what kind of entrée you would like, chicken, shrimp, et cetera, then he would describe in delicious detail the ways the chef could prepare each dish.

Organ Stop Pizza – The pizza is fine, but it is the music, played by amazing musicians, on one of the largest theatre pipe organs in the world. It is crowded during Arizona’s snowbird season. I kinda grew up here, but that is another story.

Monkut Thai – When we go to San Clemente, we eat here or get take-out at least once.

Pizza Hut – The Great ‘Za can most likely be found in your neighborhood. Folk who like pizza have a favorite and this happens to be mine. When I eat pizza made by some other restaurant, I wish I had just gotten take-out from Pizza Hut. Pepperoni pan pizza, extra pepperoni, easy sauce, no extra cheese.

What are you hungry for now?

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Thirteen Fave Movies Off the Top of My Head

In honor of Friday the 13th these movies are in no particular order because like my music, the movie I like on a particular day is determined by my mood.

1. Billy Elliot: I once asked a close friend if he ever felt the need to dance how he felt about his mother’s death. Because dance was his means of artistic expression, it seemed to me that when tears and words failed, dance would offer peace. This movie perfectly expresses the burning need to create. The final scene never fails to give me chills.
2. Matrix Trilogy: I discovered the first one on VHS and wondered why I hadn’t seen it in the theatres (going through the big D can do that to you). I found it though provoking in the same way as The Wall. Reloaded was eminently satisfying, Revolutions did not live up to expectations.
3. Shakespeare in Love: Guilty pleasure with Ralph Fiennes’ baby brother in the lead.
4. Chocolat: The beautiful Juliette Binoche is in two of my favorite movies. Her performance are haunting.
5. Star Wars: “Popa! You’ve got to see this movie!” “Mom. Come on!” I was 11. ‘Nuff said.
6. Man on Fire (either one): When a hero fight inner demons as well as outer bad dudes, I fall.
7. Aliens: Badass heroine. Edge of the seat scary SF.
8. Valley Girl: (Squeal!) Nick Cage is so totally awesome! Seriously, he was a client at a law firm I worked at in Century City in 1992 and all the secretaries said he was the soul of politeness and likability.
9. The English Patient: I keep watching movies with Ralph Fiennes, hoping… He was great in Red Dragontoo, but playing tortured Hungarian royalty was his finest role. I often think that actors should just act and maintain their mystery, and I don’t really want to know their thoughts on life, because being belivable in front of the camera does not necessarily make them great interview subjects. Of course Mr. Fiennes is an exception:“Success is all about being able to extend love to people… not in a big, capital letter sense but in the everyday. Little by little, task by task, gesture by gesture, word by word.”

    

10. Lord of the Rings Trilogy: I think I liked this so much because I met the actor who played Frodo when he was about 10. He was a darling, sweet kid. Shoulda aked for his autograph then!
11. A Fish Called Wanda: My FAVE comedy of all time. Saw it three times in the theatre in 24 hours. Went the second time because I laughed so hard the first time I missed a lot of the jokes. Love the scene where Archie is telling Wanda how stuffy Englishmen are when it comes to love and romance and it’s “KkkkKen CCCComing to KKKill Me!”
12. Silverado: “We’ll be back!” I am still waiting in vain.
13. Something’s Gotta Give: I protest loudly that I am not a fan or romantic comedy, but mayhap I protest too loudly for I note that you could argue there are five such on my list.  Can I make a category for dramatic comedy, please?

Runner up: L.A. Confidential

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June 2010 Pine Strawberry Digest

June Pine Strawberry Arizona Digest

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May Pine Strawberry Digest

Pine Strawberry Digest May 2010

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Clementine is still a darling

You’ll surely recognize this folk character….

In a cavern
In a canyon
Excavating for a mine
Lived a miner
Forty-niner
And his daughter
Clementine
She was nutsy crazy freaky
And her feet were rather large
But her ducklings they did follow
When into the creek she charged
Oh my darlin’
Oh my darlin’
Oh my darlin’
With big feet
Your can’t swim like the ducklings
For you’ve no flippers on your feet.
Oh my darlin’
Oh my darlin’
Oh my darlin’
With big feet
You are lost and gone forever
Next in Heaven we shall meet

Did you recognized this poem as a song and thought, the writer has the lyrics all wrong?

Well, it may please you to know that you are right… as well as wrong.

This “nusty, crazy, freaky” version is from a filk song, a sort of rewritten folk song, I think I heard at a science fiction convention in 1987. I even called my ex to see if he remembered the lyrics, but he did not.

The actual folk song, Clementine, has no clear author or copyright status.

Percy Montrose and Barker Bradford have each received credit as writing Clementine in the 1840s.
The 1863 song, “Down By the River Liv’d a Maiden” by H. S. Thompson could also have provided source material.

Author Gerald Brenan attributes the song’s origins to an old Spanish ballad sung by Mexican gold rush miners.
Yet an older version I ran across, hints that the lovely maiden Clementine was a soiled dove.

No matter the origins, many of us probably know just the first part of the song that ends with our sandal wearing maiden drowning in the creek. However, Boy Scouts in the audience may be able to sing you these verses, sans refrain:

Ruby lips above the water
Blowing bubbles soft and fine
But, alas, I was no swimmer,
So I lost my Clementine

Then the miner, forty-niner
Soon began to peak and pine
Thought he oughta join his daughter
Now he’s with his Clementine

There’s a churchyard on the hillside
Where the flowers grow and twine
There grow roses, mongst the posies
Fertilized by Clementine

In my dreams she still doth haunt me
Robed in garments soaked in brine
Though in life I used to hug her
Now she’s dead, I draw the line

Now you Scouts may learn the moral
Of this little tale of mine
artificial respiration
Would have saved my Clementine

Oh, my darling, oh, my darling
Oh, my darling Clementine
You are lost and gone forever
Dreadful sorry, Clementine
And the final verse of the last part of the purported Scout version:

How I missed her, how I missed her
How I missed my Clementine
Till I kissed her little sister
And forgot my Clementine

Although Clementine’s popularity has dwindled over the years she has not been forgotten. Clementine the school marm was the love interest of one of the Earp bothers in the 1946 film, My Darling Clementine. Cartoon character Huckleberry Hound was known to sing Clementine horribly off-key. Tom Lehr, a 50s Harvard math professor with a bar act, also sang of Clementine, off-key.

Clearly, Clementine is not Natalie Cole, but she is an unforgettable part of the West.

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Mom’s Rolls

My mother, Jean Jennings, will be 90-years-oldcome October. This recipe and my love for her go hand in hand.

Mom would bake these rolls in pie tins then have me deliver to her friends around the neighborhood.

“Add to one cup warm water in a large bowl:

An egg, a jigger or two of oil, a pinch of salt, sugar to taste and one packet of Fleishman’s yeast.

Let sit until bubbly.

Mix in 3 ½ cups of flour until ball of dough forms.

Let rise until double.

Punch out bubbles, rolls out to about a ½ inch thick, then cut rolls and place in pie tins or on cookie sheet.

Let raise until double.

Bake. Butter tops.”

She also made hot dog things. Good eatin’ cold the next day on family road trips.

My translation

In a large bowl mix:

One cup warm water

One egg

1/4 cup vegetable oil (Note that at some point in her later years she swears that she uses the white Crisco that comes in bars, but Carol swears this is absolutely not the recipe she learned.)

1 teaspoon salt

1/4 cup oil

1/3 cup sugar

One packet of yeast

Stir with a fork and let sit for about 10 minutes until bubbly.

Then, gradually add in at least 3 maybe 3 1/2 cups of sifted flour as you stir/knead to form ball of dough. (If you use a big enough bowl you do not need to turn it onto the counter—it can rise in the bowl.)

Let ball of dough raise for a couple of hours until it about doubles in size.

Tear ball of dough in half. Knead air bubbles out then roll out on lightly floured counter top to about a half an inch high. Cut out rolls.

(Or make hot dog things by slicing a kosher hot dog not quite fully through the center and stuffing with diced green chili and cheddar cheese before wrapping in dough.)

Place rolls on pan with sides barely touching and let raise again until double.

Bake at 350 degrees F until tops are golden brown—about 12 minutes. (Hot dogs things need a 400 degree oven and a little longer to cook.)

Butter tops.

Try not to eat them all, rolls or hot dog things, until dinner or wherever you are taking them.

 Carol’s roll variations:

• Olive oil—if you use this in place of vegetable oil, your dough will be heavier and take longer to raise.
• Crushed garlic and/or other dried spices—yummy! Goes with olive oil. Add to during initial mix.
• Yogurt and mint—add to during initial mix. You’ll use a bit more flour for consistent dough.
• Grated cheese—I add maybe a half a cup during initial mix.
• More sugar—sweeter rolls.
• You can get them to raise faster on a cold day in the kitchen by pre-heating the oven and letting the dough rise on top of the stove.

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