Provide for your errors

“… charitable contributions and provide for your heirs,” said a client dictating changes to a document over my cell while the house phone was ringing. Then I read the sentence out loud.

… provide for your errors…

errors

heirs.

English grammar

You can provide for your heirs. I am told they favor money.

You can provide for your hares. They like green stuff too—lettuce.

You can provide for your hair. I am sure there are hair products out there tinted with Solid Green FCF.

You can provide for your errors with contemplation and study. If your errors are of a more grievous nature, the state will provide for your errors and in that instance, your heirs, hares and hairs will suffer.

Heirs, hares and hairs all enjoy clean air.

Before you tell me that error and air does not belong with hare and heir, think about dialects.

The English Language provides for you to make many errors. In fact, I am completely convinced that English Language and Mother Nature are at happy hour in some dive laughing hysterically….

because you can dive off a cliff or meet your friend at the  local dive aka bar. Or it could be a dive bar as in one frequented by people who like to cliff dive.

Bar. Ballet bar? Drink bar? Bar the way? Ug! I have heard native English speakers complain about the words in other Romance languages that change depending on gender, saying how difficult it is to learn, but I think there are bugaboos no matter the language you are learning.

“The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a crib house whore. We don’t just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.”
–James D. Nicoll

“Viola “is the first word that comes to mind. (Yeah, I could write a whole other post on how the phonics educated child learned that “v” was a “w” and “io” was “ah”.)

The longer I write, it seems the bigger the hurry, end even if there was no hurry, the adage is true: EDITING YOURSELF IS UNWISE.

I have errors I routinely make as a less-than-fantastic typist and perhaps a titch of dyslexia:

  • from becomes form
  • the becomes teh
  • dropping the r in country so it becomes a somewhat smaller plot of land

The aforementioned dive is filling up with customers fast, most noticeably the Grammar Police—bots adept at catching i before e and errors, and error that are not error because  my character is speaking in the vernacular.

Yes, the Grammar Police deployed by Microsoft Word pretty are akin to government workers—with the exception of IRS workers who I am convinced get Bonu$e$ based on catching errors.

When I deem them ready, the novel, a memoir, and short story will go to a trusted editor.

That red-pen wielding  human will strike  my errors thus  allowing me  to provide curls for my hair and provide beach-side air for my heir.

Note to heir: I know you want a bunny rabbit. You will have to buy it and love it and care for it and think of a better name for it than George.

postscript–

Homographs are words of like spelling but with more than one meaning.

A homograph that is also pronounced differently is a heteronym.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s